Recently during the Indiblogger and TOI bloggers meet I learnt that Bangalore
is the 2nd largest city in
India where the women related crime rate is high. I was indeed shocked to learn
this. When I was getting married, I told my Mom not to find an alliance for me
from Mumbai as I thought that the crime rate in Mumbai is high and I wanted to
get settled in Bangalore as Bangalore was very safe for women. But I was wrong!
Each and every day in Bangalore for me is unpredictable. I don’t know what
might happen to me the very next moment here. Bangalore is very much unsafe for
women.
I want to quote one of my true life experience when I was
totally new in Bangalore.
This was way back in 2006, when I was doing my first job. I
was travelling daily from K R Puram to Koramangala by BMTC buses. One day I
noticed a man continuously starring at me. I was in my early twenties. I felt conscious
and was uncomfortable. When my bus-stop came, I got down from my bus and started
walking to my office. I noticed that the guy also got down at the same bus-stop and
was following me. An idea stuck my mind. I got into Monday to Sunday store and
called my office friends there. I narrated the incident to them. They came
there and when they saw that the guy went away, they took me to office. After reaching
office I phoned my hubby and told him what had happened. Evening I went to
catch the bus on the same bus-stop and the guy was waiting there. He also got into
the same bus. I called my hubby and told him that the guy is again following me.
I got down at the Mayo Hall bus-stop. The guy also got down there. I continued to
wait for my hubby and the guy got into a bus going to Indiranagar. When my
hubby came, I got onto the bike and we followed the bus. The guy got down at
Indiranagar and on seeing me and my hubby there, the guy fled away and I never
saw him again.
So friends, it is the personality which matters. What if I
had gone to office? The Guy could have followed me till office and then planned
an attack. But the mobile phone which I carried and the idea which I got to
enter into a super store, saved me. So it is very important not to panic. Be
cool and think in such situations how to save yourself.
Always keep in mind that individual personality and
confidence matters a lot. A non-confident and scared women walking on the
street always becomes an easy target for attackers whereas a women with
confidence is never attached. While walking on the street, always a women
should be aware of the surroundings. Know where you are and who are around you.
Keep a note of all exits and entrances wherever you go, be it movie halls,
shopping malls, temples, pubs, any place. Never talk on mobile phone while
walking on the street as it becomes easy for the attackers. The biggest weapon
a women can have is her personality and her brain. Use the brain effectively. Learn to diffuse
the problem rather then worsening it. For eg. When someone comes to snatch your
purse or hand bag, throw it in air and run in the opposite direction, rather
then trying to search for pepper spray and knife to attack the person. The
attacker will not wait till you take out the knife or pepper spray. Just use
your brain, use the power of voice, run in public places, scream and attract
the public. Also remember punches and kicks will never work as the attacker
will be stronger then what you expect. Just remember run away from the
situation and be in a safest place.
While walking on the street, always remember to cover your
neck completely if you are wearing gold chains. Better it will be if you don’t wear
any gold. Why to show off to the society
that you have a lot of gold by putting your life in danger? It is better if
people say we are poor rather then to be a victim of some crime which can go to
the extent of slit throats. Do you agree?
Another problem which women face in Bangalore is home
robbery. The attackers keep a note as to which women are alone in which house.
Such women who stay alone in the house should never open the door to strangers
and probably should install a CCTV in their house.
Bangalore is known as the Silicon Valley of India, but is
this Silicon valley safe for women working here? I being a women and being a
non-Kannadiga, always faced a language problem. I was not able to converse in
Kannada initially and people used to take advantage of this fact. For eg. Auto drivers charge more than what the meter shows when they know that we are a
non-Kannadiga's. The bus conductor once shouted at me in Kannada, when I asked
him in hindi how much the bus fare was. He told me in hindi “ Yeh Karnataka hai
Madam, Kannada bolo”. Which means “ This is Karnataka, speak Kannada . To which
I replied “This is a part of India, speak Hindi”.
Apart from this women working in the corporate sector face a
lot of problems like male colleagues abusing and exploiting the female
colleagues. Yes these IT companies have a lot of policies, but these policies will
only be in the books. I know an incident when one of my friends was being
constantly abused by her superior. She was verbally abused just because she
used to leave early to catch the bus to reach home which was in the other end
of Bangalore. She had to leave early ie. 5 PM and not stay back till 8 PM, because
she had to maintain a balance between her family and work. The male colleague
went to such an extent that during one of the project parties, he touched her
bottom. She felt uncomfortable, but she could not report the incident due to
lack of evidence. She discussed the problem with someone she confided in. Next
day this male colleague put his arm around her while she was working at her
desk. At that time she raised her voice and told him to take off his hand. If
she had gone further and reported the problem without any evidence, then maybe
she could have lost her job. But her first experience made her learn and 2nd
time she raised her voice against him.
During the blogger meet, one female blogger narrated an incident when she was thrown out of her PG at night 2 AM. A man from her apartment had written some leud comments on her under-garments when she had put the clothes to dry. He also wrote his phone number on her under-garments. When she complained to the PG owner, she herself was thrown out. The owner accused her saying that she had tried to provoke the guy when it was totally the guy's fault. In a society like ours, the blame always comes on women. Why the hell?
During the blogger meet, one female blogger narrated an incident when she was thrown out of her PG at night 2 AM. A man from her apartment had written some leud comments on her under-garments when she had put the clothes to dry. He also wrote his phone number on her under-garments. When she complained to the PG owner, she herself was thrown out. The owner accused her saying that she had tried to provoke the guy when it was totally the guy's fault. In a society like ours, the blame always comes on women. Why the hell?
Apart from these, I constantly see that males blame women
for the clothes that they were and they say that this is what provokes them to
rape a female! But are the males in our society so weak that just by looking at
a women’s outfit they want to rape her? Don’t they have any self control? I
have seen so many cases of males raping little innocent girls. Even father’s
and brother’s raping their little daughters and sisters. Does these little innocent girls provoke
the males in our society or do their dressing?
Another constant fear I have living in Bangalore, is being a
mother of a little 4 year old girl. I always keep a constant watch on her and
every evening after I return from work I sit with her and ask her whether
anyone has touched her. In my own apartment where I stay, I have seen my
watchman touching my neighbours 7 year old daughter in a bad way. We need to
educate our children about good and bad touch. After noticing this bad behavior
from my watchman, I taught my daughter that if the watchman comes to touch her
them to tell him not to touch her. The same happened, the next day the watchman
came to touch my daughter and she clearly told him not to touch her and that if
he does so, she will tell mom. Since that day he has stopped touching her. So
you might wonder why we our apartment society did not fire the watchman, right?
Even if we fire the watchman, what is the guarantee that the new watchman will
be a good man? So it is always good to approach things with a cool mind. But
always keep a watch on your child and keep talking to them. I know one of my
colleague who used to come late to office with the same fear of his daughter
getting abused in school bus. She would be the first to get into the bus and
the care-taker/teacher would get in 2 stops later. So this guy used to take his
daughter to the bus-stop where the teacher used to get in and never allowed her to
travel alone. So much is the fear we face daily staying in Bangalore.
Awareness is extremely important, specially in schools. Not
just the private schools, but even the govt. Schools. It is equally important
to educate the slum dwellers about the crime and the impact.
A lot of domestic violence happens to women even in a city
like Bangalore. I keep reading on TOI some or the other case where women are burnt alive or murdered for dowry. I had read a case in TOI itself where after
getting married a man allowed four of his friends to sleep with his wife. This
woman went through all the torture and on one fine day spoke against her so
called husband and got him and his friends arrested.
I mean why should men feel that women are a toy which can be
used and abused to any extent? Is it the way they are brought up? I know things
start from our own house, so my dear friends please educate your children that
boys and girls are equal. Never say that women belong to weaker sex. Apart from
this try to stand up for any crime or any sort of abuse you face anywhere. If
you see a women in distress, try to help her. And always remember that it is the women’s
personality that matters.
This post is written for Bangalore for women which is an initiative
taken by TOI to address issues which women face in Bangalore.
